Sugar Baby Unnie’s Totally Biased But Definitely True Ranking of Red Velvet’s Title Tracks

Last week I did Cosmic Girls, this week it is Red Velvet! I thought about possibly doing a boy group but I was recently told that I am a man-hating demonic feminist bitch so take that how you wanna. Okay how do I feel about Red Velvet? In all honesty, I go through phases with this group. On a whole I am not as into Kpop as I have been in the past so my moments with the velvets are kinda limited to whenever they release new music. However, from time to time I get in my feels and I just listen to their entire discography for the day and they have one of , if not the best discography of the third generation girl groups. I double bias Seulgi and Irene with a soft spot for Yeri from time to time. Joy still owes me an apology for starring in Tempted and Wendy is…Wendy. For the record though, I love groups with five or less members so much. Remember ranking has taken into consideration the following:

  • Aesthetic of the Music Video
  • Choreography
  • Sentimental Value
  • How many lines my biases sang
  • Whether or not the song aged like spoiled milk after the first week of listening to it

13. Be Natural

Lazy Unnie nearly had a fit when I told her this was the last ranked of their songs because SHE LIKES IT! So I had to explain that I like the original better and it is still only a remake and not really eligible to stand with the rest of this list. #SorryNotSorry

12. Power Up

What an absolutely irritating song. Fucking ba na na nana na na in the chorus literally made me want to remove my ears. I felt like I was listening to a minion song. People say that it is like Rookie and to that I say fuck you. Blue Lemonade thoughh.. She’s a gorgeous girl.

11. Really Bad Boy

Now, I wouldn’t say this one is necessarily a bad song but it is very jarring and dis-fragmented and continue RV’s streak of an absolute shitty 2018. Thankfully the bsides were pretty good so all is forgiven.

10. Happiness

This is such a fun song! I only felt bad if I placed it higher cause Yeri wasn’t in the group as yet.. However, can we talk about the freaking hair in the MV..still laugh every time. Not bad for SM’s scandal cover-up group.

9. One Of These Nights

See I feel like this is the problem.. Red Velvet actually has such great songs and this is one of them too. I am a Velvet fan if people haven’t figured it out as yet and one of my top songs is absolutely Cool, Hot, Sweet, Love. One Of These Nights is lovely and would have ranked higher if it was by a different group.

8. Red Flavor

Yes, I know what you’re thinking..”why is Red Flavor ranked so low?” Because it is fucking annoying. Aged like rotten ass milk. She was a cute girl in Summer ’17 but she’s fucking annoying as hell right now. My friend would say its because I played it too much well THEN IT WASN’T THAT GOOD THEN.

7. Russian Roulette

I didn’t really expect that I would have ranked Russian Roulette this low tbh. There is nothing really bad about this song either, it is fun and enjoyable and the MV sparked a lot of similar trends in KPOP, but at the end of it all, I am lukewarm about it when it comes to the rest of the songs that ranked higher.

6. Ice Cream Cake

This would have been #2 if it wasn’t for that God awful thing they tried to pass off as a rap. I loooveeee ICC so much and it never fails to get me pumped and ready! A blonde Irene was positively lethal. THE CAUCASIAN JUMPED OUT.

5. Bad Boy

I go back and forth about whether I like Bad Boy enough for it to be #5 or #4.. Every time I listen to it I sure enough jam and vibe with it, but then I remember a particular video that was just absolute shit and I get war flashbacks. I do remind myself that I love the English version of the song as well and it helps me to digest that I do indeed like this more than I think I do.

4. Automatic

So you’re probably wondering, what edged Automatic over Bad Boy, if you guessed blonde Seulrene then you are correct. But nah really, I like the vibe of the song better and I like the choreography so much better. I also have zero bad memories associated with it unlike  I do with Bad Boy. Also I was curious and found out that Obi is behind quite a few of my favorite Red Velvet songs and KPOP songs in general so take that how you may.

3. Rookie

CONTROVERSIAL QUEEN. ANNOYING AS HELL. I LOVE HER. Literally hated the shit out of Rookie when it first released like so fucking much, but like imagine thinking it wasn’t coming in hot at #3? That mini album gave us fucking Body Talk! That alone warrants any and all judgement to be non-existent. It isn’t edgy to hate Rookie losers. It is a fun song and the mini has no skips. Maybe Wendy’s song. It was a good era and they all looked good! Not one clapped hairstyle in sight!

2. Dumb Dumb

I know I know! Dumb Dumb? Really? YES MOTHERFUCKERS. Dumb Dumb is a fun and wild song. Someone said it was reminiscent a loose rip off of Bang Bang by Ari, Nicki and Jessi, and to that I say.. YOUR POINT? I love everything about Dumb Dumb.. Even the rap.. Matter of fact, the rap was highkey barzzzzz. Like who was the lyricist? they came through.

1. Peek-a-boo

Ahh idk guys.. I was actually torn between whether I liked #2 better than Peek-a-boo and maybe my thoughts will change in the long run (it has many times before) but this is their best title track. Do you wanna know why? The choreography, their voices on the track, the MV and the fucking album itself. Yes Perfect Velvet has songsssss.. A whole Kingdom Come and Perfect 10 exist for our consumption like….??!??! Hello?!??!?!? I know yall are probably like “but its not fair to judge a title track based on the album” okay and what you gonna do about it? Beat my ass??

 

Be sure to check out Red Velvet’s comeback on June 19th!! xx

New nicki

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